The same thing happened with my mum. I could hardly remember anything about her for years. I'm sure this was the result of trauma. But bit by bit I have been able to recover these memories...
I think you're being hard on yourself. The brain brings to awareness those memories we can and need to process; the grief we need to feel fully and weep over so we can let it go...
The bits of mum you can't consciously remember are absolutely not lost...they are absolutely part of you and part of your amazing and beautiful capacity to love and to be loved... and your gorgeous and wonderful gift for happiness.....xxxxx
he title of your piece really made me think and the content gave me some solace. Since my husband died, just over two years ago, i find myself questioning what I’d always believed about our relationship. I’d always believed that we’d both at last found true happiness with “the one” - each of us being on our third marriage. And try as I might to make the good, happy memories uppermost, I find I torment myself with doubts. Doubts which friends and family say are totally unfounded but they haunt me nevertheless. Were we really as happy and well suited? This is how grief has impacted my memory.
I'm glad it helped you find some solace. I remember our holidays to Moledo with you both very well and you always seemed so, so happy and in love. I know I was just a child but I often feel children pick up on things in a keen way too (another couple I knew as a child, who aren't happy, I thought were 'just friends who lived together' so could clearly sense something wasn't right.) I'm going to interview a brain expert soon on this very topic, so let me know if there's any questions you'd like me to ask them that could perhaps help.
I’ve had this too - just a few snatched memories but otherwise blanks. I try to push up against the wall of blank where I know a memory should be in my mind, but it remains resolutely lost.
It's a funny feeling isn't it, trying to push and push and getting no where? Like pushing against a really heavy wall or something. Seems cruel of our brain to do this... But I hope over time more will emerge.
This was so useful to read! My dad died at Christmas. So I’m still in the like ‘freshness’ of first year grief and I remember lots about him and memories…and many dreams but my goodness my memory is only just recovering generally. So many forgotten things, struggling for words etc. I am interested to see how this evolves though as the years go on…
Thank you, I'm glad it was useful. I think we have to really trust our brains that they know what's right. How do you find the dreams? Do you like them or find them distressing? I found at the beginning I found them really distressing but now years on I feel great comfort in them.
The dreams are mostly comforting - a nice reminder. I had terrible medical trauma flashbacks for the first 6 months or so but it’s easing now. The dreams have been dated back to when dad was not sick so much more happier times
The same thing happened with my mum. I could hardly remember anything about her for years. I'm sure this was the result of trauma. But bit by bit I have been able to recover these memories...
I think you're being hard on yourself. The brain brings to awareness those memories we can and need to process; the grief we need to feel fully and weep over so we can let it go...
The bits of mum you can't consciously remember are absolutely not lost...they are absolutely part of you and part of your amazing and beautiful capacity to love and to be loved... and your gorgeous and wonderful gift for happiness.....xxxxx
he title of your piece really made me think and the content gave me some solace. Since my husband died, just over two years ago, i find myself questioning what I’d always believed about our relationship. I’d always believed that we’d both at last found true happiness with “the one” - each of us being on our third marriage. And try as I might to make the good, happy memories uppermost, I find I torment myself with doubts. Doubts which friends and family say are totally unfounded but they haunt me nevertheless. Were we really as happy and well suited? This is how grief has impacted my memory.
I'm glad it helped you find some solace. I remember our holidays to Moledo with you both very well and you always seemed so, so happy and in love. I know I was just a child but I often feel children pick up on things in a keen way too (another couple I knew as a child, who aren't happy, I thought were 'just friends who lived together' so could clearly sense something wasn't right.) I'm going to interview a brain expert soon on this very topic, so let me know if there's any questions you'd like me to ask them that could perhaps help.
I’ve had this too - just a few snatched memories but otherwise blanks. I try to push up against the wall of blank where I know a memory should be in my mind, but it remains resolutely lost.
It's a funny feeling isn't it, trying to push and push and getting no where? Like pushing against a really heavy wall or something. Seems cruel of our brain to do this... But I hope over time more will emerge.
This was so useful to read! My dad died at Christmas. So I’m still in the like ‘freshness’ of first year grief and I remember lots about him and memories…and many dreams but my goodness my memory is only just recovering generally. So many forgotten things, struggling for words etc. I am interested to see how this evolves though as the years go on…
Thank you, I'm glad it was useful. I think we have to really trust our brains that they know what's right. How do you find the dreams? Do you like them or find them distressing? I found at the beginning I found them really distressing but now years on I feel great comfort in them.
The dreams are mostly comforting - a nice reminder. I had terrible medical trauma flashbacks for the first 6 months or so but it’s easing now. The dreams have been dated back to when dad was not sick so much more happier times