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My rituals? I just look around my home and see things that belonged to them, it is comforting.

Mom died when I was 23. Dad died when I was 24. The man I loved more that anything died when I was 25. I'm 70 now and I still grieve for them all. In my twenties, I used alcohol to escape but that wasn't the solution. I also suffered from rheumatoid arthritis for years and years after they died. I have come to believe that the arthritis was a physical manifestation of all the painful grief I was experiencing. I no longer have any arthritis pain, been pain-free for a long time, I think that is because I processed the grief and accepted it as part of my life. They keep me company when I need a little hug, or reassurance, as well as when I just miss them. I know they are with me sometimes and always ready to come to me when I need them.

When someone we love dies they don't disappear, they move on to another way of being.

Please continue your writing here on Substack, it's valuable. I hope that you find the understanding that you are seeking by writing. Best wishes to you.

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I initially had lots of things to say about ghosts but they vanished as air when I read about your Mum’s life. Her spirit is so clearly alive in you.

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